CONTENTS: One (1) Generic Sex Humor Thread

What's So Funny?
#101

Three friends bragged about who has more sex…

Friend A said “You all have nothing on me. I go to the bar and bring home a woman every night. Not only that but I drive a corvette into work everyday and have a 8 inch penis. I have slept with more than 1,000 women”

Friend B said “Oh yeah? Well I’m the top gynecologist doctor at the most highly rated hospitals in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis. I have slept with well over 5,000 women.”

Friend C said, “I have you all beat. I fucked over all the CBTers who were expecting a punchline to this joke.”

1 Like
#102

A transgender person cut me in line at the supermarket.

“You’re LGBT, right?” I asked.
“You forgot about the ‘Q’,” they replied bluntly.
“No,” I said, “you did.”

#103

Reported!

#104

My girlfriend is mad because I could only last 2 minutes in bed

In my defense it was doggy style so it’s more like 14 minutes.

#105

Smoking a cigarette is similar to eating pussy.

The taste gets stronger when you get closer to the butt.

1 Like
#106

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#107

What do you call a gay person cooking in the back yard?

LGBBQ

#108

Lettuce, guacamole, bacon, tomato, and queso: the ultimate sandwich for that bastard holding up the line at subway because he can’t decide what he wants.

#109

That actually would sound pretty good if it weren’t at a subway.

1 Like
#110

I asked my dad, “Why did you give me the name Achilles?”

He said, “Because you broke through the Trojan wall.”

#111

My girlfriend is so tall

I have to go up on her.

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#112

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop to plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service.

Offended, the couple can not believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we will not even bake a cake…

The baker replies, "No no, I’m fine with gay marriage–

.

I just can not support inter-Rachel marriage.”

#113

My wife caught me having sex with an optical illusion

I told her “It’s not what it looks like!”

#114

I think my girlfriend has had 61 boyfriends before me

because she calls me her 62nd lover.

—

A guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his girlfriend from his wallet and said ‘She’s beautiful isn’t she’

I said ‘if you think she’s beautiful, you should see my wife’

He asked ‘Why, is she a stunner?’

I replied ‘No, she’s an optometrist.

#115

I sexually identify as chocolate.

My pronouns are her/she

#116

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?

A tiny part of me says yes.

#117

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#118

I’ve seen English girls. Dildo is the closest they get to sex.

Swedish girls , OTOH…

#119

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ENGLISH V SWEDISH: YOU DECIDE

#120

Anthropologists tell us Neanderthal men did not walk fully erect.

Which makes sense, given what they believe Neanderthal women looked like.

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